Split Myself In Two

     I split myself in two today. It was a euphoric experience on par with inhaling your weight in marijuana and shaking hands with God. I remember My First Half went to a street corner and started giving out money to people, all the while preaching about loving each other and the virtues of non-violence. The populace spat on him and hurled insults too vulgar to recall here. My Second Half sneaked up behind him with devils in his eyes and wrapped his arms around My First Half's neck. As My Second Half squeezed with terroristic rage, he laughed while My First Half's face turned blue and regurgitated his insides to the sidewalk. When his victim was dead, My Second Half stood and smiled. Then the people, who were just wishing death upon the man he just killed, started jeering him as they did his victim. They called him a “cruel murderer” and threw everything they could get their hands on at him. And that's when My Second Half exploded, leaving nothing behind but a small baby, crying to be respected.